Tell me why,

I can't seem to face the truth,
i'm a little too not over you.

So we're done,
I cried on the bus, and on the way up the street walking alone.
I seriously was starting to fall in love,
so i guess this is for the best?

guess what

i'm happy

Don't trust a hoe, never trust a hoe,

won't trust a hoe,
don't trust me.


we are back toghether
and now,
D. likes me
like THEFXCK?
oh well,
i'm really intended on making it work this time.

'Cause when you're fifteen

and someone tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.

I love how NOW i know what i want,
because I can't have it.
He's deffinatly moving on,
and I want to rip her limb from limb.
I guess what is my problem.
i chase what i want,
and when i get it,
its no longer of intrest to me.
but I don't know,
even after I lost interest,
I didn't.
I still pined,
I still felt jealousy.
I want to rip her apart,
I want to fucking destroy her.
I never lose, EVER.
I don't know who the fuck she thinks she is,
but she's blown the war horn,
and she will be dead before the week is out,
if he chooses her,
you can count on it.

These Words from my diaries,

screaming out loud,

1. All those restless nights,
listening to your soft lullabies.
Oh, how you used to sing to me,
releasing me, and helping me break free
from the fragile girl I used to be.

2. The world was serene,
as people passed her by.
No one listened to her silent screams.
No one bothered to ask her why,
So she dug a little farther,
and bled a little longer.
Jer world becoing darker,
her emotions becoming stronger.
She was found lying on the floor,
next to her, her silent cries.
After she was worn down to the core,
her screams were finally heard.

3. I'm alive, but barely breathing
wishing on a star that has no meaning.
She's beautiful, but she's just not believing,
so she's wishing on a star that has no meaning.
She's just a girl with her dreams fading,
to a God she don't belive in, she is praying.
Just a girl, with her heart decaying,
to a God she don't believe in, she is praying.

NOT FINISHED.

4. Dreams for the taking,
for those whose faith is fading.
Your hope is restored.

5. Break Down,
Tears Fall
You're all
alone.

Light shines,
hope gained
to love,
again.

6. Flying free
Flying high
ready to,
touch the sky.
So in love,
you could cry.
Flying free.
Flying high.

Breakeven.

: I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even no



theme song of my fucking life.

When you see my face,

I hope it gives you hell.
Well I decided this deserved its own post,
even if i did just post a blog.

This constant inner battle between those two boys,
is like a tug-of-war.
Lets call them A and B.
you'd think the one that loves me, A, would be winning.
but he's not, B is.
maybe i just like the chase?
who knows.
but I still find myself more attracted to B emotionally and physically,
even if A is hotter, and even if A tells me he loves me.
Then theres C,
he's haunting me.
I'll never forget him ever.
I try, and I try.
but theres a part of me, that doesn't want to forget C.
He changed my life in such beautiful and devestaring ways.
I guess you could compare C is a thunderstorm.
Beautiful, powerful, and dangerous.
You should be seeking safety from them, but yet you stand there, mesmurized and in awe.

I'm still alive but i'm barely breathing,

just praying to a God,
that i don't believe in

-sigh.
I don't know what i want anymore.
I don't know who to trust anymore.
I don't know what makes me happy.
I don't know who makes me happy.
I don't know why I still think of you.

I just noticed the post I wrote last night,
didn't post?
Well I was right,
I fell, I crashed.
I've learned, don't fall,
you'll crash.
and when you crash, you crash hard.
you may not see it,
you may fall slowly.
but you'll always crash
no matter what.
Crash and Burn.
I have two more poems,
one i found in a notebook.
one i wrote like tuesday.
they'll be up soon.

When you love someone

and they break your heart,
don't give up on love,
have faith to restart

Haven't done this in a while.
Well I think I'm falling again,
and I'm scared.
I want to run.
Deidre says to hold on,
and to just restart.
I'm just so afraid to get hurt like I did.
He's so much like _______ its scary.
Then theres the slight crush i'm developing on my best friend.
Friday was amazing,
and it made me realize why I didn't feel right with Frank,
my crush on the other kid, never went away.
Time will tell where I end up.
Fate is fate,
and in the end,
theres going to be alot worse bumps on the road.

I'm not in love,

this is not my heart,
i'm not going to waste these words.
about a boy,

I've come to the conclusion that i'm not still in love.
I'm just stuck on the past, its become an infatuation.
I just miss how the way things were in the summer.
Everyone was so happy and carefree.
What happened to High School being the best years of our lives?
So far its brought nothing but negative change.