Release me from this curse I'm in,

trying to maintain, but i'm struggling

God, I'm such an idiot.
He doesn't hate me,
he was ignoring me because of his feeligns,
but of course, my big mouth had to come into the picture, i had to say something
and now he won't leave me alone.
I'm really bipolar, Jesus Christ.
Just late night thinking today.
I keep finding myself drawing his eyes, with hearts in the pupils, i don't know why.
I've always been attracted to his eyes, and i can't look into them anymore, they do horrible things to me,
they say the eyes are the gateway to the soul,
and god, one look into those eyes, and i believe it.
i've always been attracted to eyes, i don't know why,
I remember his eyes blue as the ocean, dark sometimes, sometimes light, but gorgeous all at once.
breath taking, actually.
you could get lost in them.
ah, i know what you're all thinking.
such a silly little girl, talking about love like she's been in it.
well i can tell you, i have. once, i can tell you, i even dreamed of getting married to him, funny ey? well that islove for you, beautiful and disasterous. And thats exactly what happened, i fell uncontrollably inlove, and it destroyed me, heart and soul.
I become a wreck, no one could help me,
i made people worry constantly about me.
Thats probably why I ran from this relationship,
he acts so much like him.
yet they're so much different,
but even so, i ran.
from everything, and I know how low that is, but well, you can't blame me, like you're thinking, i'm a foolish little girl, yes. but i was a foolish little girl in love.
Don't tell me, you don't know what its like.
to want to drop everything for that one person,
to give up everything, for even one second with them.
yeah that was me,
he even told me he wanted to marry me, and believe me, at the time, in a heartbeat i would've, underaged or not, i would've ran off with him wherever he'd want to take me, just because it'd be me he was taking, and not someone else. God, I miss that boy.